Getting in and out of a vacbed - or me being a dork. We filmed this when I had a REALLY bad cough, but it turned out to be a great Public Service Announcement anyway. :)
The constant cry of the male rubber bondage/mummification enthusiast is “why aren’t there any girls?” And I agree - there aren’t. But there’s hope. Over the next couple of posts, I’m going to take you through my journey of becoming a female latex lover.
It’s no surprise that men are considered more likely to have “extreme” kinks than women; they’re also more in touch with their kinks. [Disclaimer - I’m talking about rubber/mummification stuff here, and yes, there are girls into it, but guys are by and large the majority!] Men become sexually active earlier than women, and men tend to be more fixed in their fetishes than women. Women, on the other hand, tend to be more fluid in their sexuality with ever changing interests and even orientations.
Do the two sexes ever meet to form glorious mummification partnerships? Well, yes. But the gender balance is heavily skewed with a much higher ratio of male fetishists to female fetishists. Factor in things like basic relationship compatibility and you may well never find someone who you like as a person and who’s kinks match up perfectly with yours.
Dan Savage talks a lot about being GGG (Good in bed, a Giving lover and Game to try new things within reason) so theoretically it shouldn’t be too difficult to find someone who’ll engage in your fantasies, if not enjoy them. But if you’re a rubber/mummification fetishist you know it’s not that simple.
What to do? What to do? What to do? Personally I can’t tell you. I’m not strictly a rubber or mummification fetishist. (seriously, I’m not!)
But I do enjoy it immensely, thanks to my partner (who thought he’d never get to indulge his fetishes) introducing me to his kinks. I can’t tell you the answers, but over the next few posts I’ll tell you a bit about how I was introduced to rubber bondage and mummification and why I took to it as well as I did.
STEP 1: Start SLOW!
When I met Matt (Mad_Scientist from Kink Engineering), I was curious about kink but had never really tried anything. He had a great opening into my sexual fantasies because he was holding an item of mine hostage (long story) and told me I couldn’t have it back unless, among other things, I told him one of my sexual fantasies. In retaliation, I made him promise to tell me one of his.
And so it all began. I was timid, I told him “I really like sailor suits” what I meant to say was “I really like roleplay with a strong male gender bias,” which really meant, “I want you to be in charge.” But I didn’t say that. It was only our third date, and that’s not something you tell someone on your THIRD DATE. He in turn said, “I’d like to tie you up and pleasure you” which really meant, “I’m into bondage, sensory play and forced orgasm (with a side of mummification, please!).” Again, what he meant and what he said differed in language, but not so much in meaning. We certainly didn’t lie to each other about our interests but on the third date a really great way to creep someone out is to say, “I’m into rape scenes.”
What I’m getting at is that to develop a secure relationship with someone, you need to demonstrate that you’re a trustworthy person. While some trustworthy people are into rape play, intense pain (be it delivering or receiving), mummification, breath play, water sports or any type of extreme kink… trustworthy people typically have the good sense to prove that they’re trustworthy before bringing stuff like that up. Think about it from the other side – if you reveal a desire to beat a girl (or otherwise force yourself on her) and she can’t vouch that you’re a good person, how else – other than creepy – will you look?
Another big mistake, which is just as common, is making sweeping statements like “a relationship without ‘X’ kink would never work for me.” In girl talk, what you’re effectively communicating is this: “We could be perfectly compatible, you could be the love of my life, but if you don’t do this ONE thing then none of that matters. YOU’RE NOT AS IMPORTANT TO ME AS MY FETISH.” Now, that may in fact be the case. She may not be as important as your fetish. But you’ve lived without your fetish for how long? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could find someone who you love, can share your fetishes with and who will occasionally indulge in your fetish? Sounds better than no one, right? Well by pulling the “if I don’t have this, we don’t have a relationship” card you’re cutting down your chances by a long shot.
That’s not to say that you should never have your fetishes fulfilled. You’re entitled to your kinks, and so long as they’re acted upon in a safe, sane and consensual manner you should be able to have your fun! But time after time I see people with profiles on dating or networking sites making the above claim. Funny enough, these are the exact same people who claim there aren’t any girls into their particular fetish. If you’re serious about your kink being the breaking point – and really think about what that means – then by all means make statements like the one above. But actually take a moment to think about what “the breaking point” means. Because what you’re communicating by that statement is that you’re not looking for a relationship – you’re looking for a play partner or a sex worker. And that’s OK too. If you want to have someone on the side fulfilling your fantasies and a relationship with someone who won’t – or can’t – then that’s your prerogative. But you should be aware of what you’re telling potential partners about yourself when you make sweeping statements about your kinks.
Because girls have fluid sexualities, most girls who are open to kink will be open to your kink once they are attracted to you. This makes sense – if you’re in love with someone, you’re more likely to strive to do the things that please him or her than you would be for a casual acquaintance. By dedicating your time to building a relationship with that person (and bringing up kink along the way – which will be my next post) you’re communicating a desire to explore your kinks together. It becomes more about the two of you having fun sexual adventures than about a specific kink.
Another common mistake is posting want ads on message boards and wondering why no one responds. There are thousands of sexual predators out there, most of them males preying on females. When we see a post like “Just made new toy ‘X,’ who wants to come over and play?” we immediately think “what a presumptuous creep!” It’s insanely dangerous for women to be engaging in such random hookups (which is why female prostitutes are far more popular than male prostitutes) and posting things like that typically shows a lack of sensitivity on your part. After all, women aren’t just toys for your amusement. Even when we give ourselves up for you to dominate, IT’S A CHOICE. We choose to play with you because there’s an element of trust. If you don’t give us reason to trust you, why would we want to play with you?
TO SUM UP:
Most girls who are kink-inclined will be willing to at least try your fetish once you’ve established that you’re a stand-up guy. Proving that you’re not a creep by showing them that kink isn’t the only thing you’re interested in is crucial. Your kinks aren’t the turn off - you saying that they’re mandatory in any relationship right off the bat is.
Work on building a relationship with someone and the exploration of your kink will follow.
Matt found himself a girl who’s open to kink… how does he go from “I like latex” to “I’d like to be fully encased in latex and choked” without freaking me the hell out. I’ll talk a bit about how I got into kink, how he introduced things to me, and why things that freaked me out at first are now things that I really enjoy.
Have a rubber summer!
The only way to shut me up.
I make the best cooler.
Vacbed: Kink Engineering
Oh god… it’s coming for me.
Gas Mask: Kink Engineering
Latex: Ego Assassin
Welcome to Hello Kitty Hell!
Vacbed: Kink Engineering